Should You Slap A Simple Single Or Swing For The Fences?

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Photo by Ulrik on Freeimages.com

This could easily become a column on successful investing, but it’s not. It does, however, reflect a Noble Prize-winning concept that has propelled successful investors for more than half a century. It’s simple. I’ll explain it quickly.

Every investment option possesses two critical factors: risk and return. Scholars credit economist Harry Markowitz as the first to identify the correlation of risk and return. In his 1952 paper “Portfolio Selection,” Markowitz, the father of “Modern Portfolio Theory,” says low-risk investments can yield low returns and high-risk investments must yield high returns. The “can” and “must” refer to the price you should reasonably pay for the investment.

But this column isn’t about successful investing, it’s about life. Specifically, your life. More precisely, the choices you face in your life. Understanding the dichotomy between “low-Continue Reading “Should You Slap A Simple Single Or Swing For The Fences?”

Are You More A Marxist Or A Lennonist?

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Karl Marx (John Jabez Edwin Mayal) and Vladimir Lenin (Unknown, presumably official), Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons

During dinner at the recent New York Press Association Publishers’ Conference, talked turned towards the misuse of the term “click-bait.” In a strict sense, the term applies to misleading descriptions of internet links. These phrases “bait” you to “click” the link; hence, “click-bait.” Links that have nothing to do with the sentence that lured you to click makes this technique unethical. That’s why “click-bait” has such a negative connotation.

Copywriters for more than a century have searched for sentences that “sizzle.” Elmer Wheeler documented the early years of this journey in his 1937 book Tested Statements That Sell. If you don’t recall the name of this Rochester native dubbed “America’s Greatest Salesman,” you will certainly know his most famous phrase: “Don’t sell the steak. Sell the sizzle.” (See “Did You Know About This Sizzling Greater Western New York Hidden Gem?Mendon-Honeoye Falls-Lima Sentinel, June 10, 2021).

Whether it’s writing advertising copy, creating newspaper headlines, or crafting book titles, it’s well known certain words and phrases attract awareness. If you want to get someone to read what you write, you need to grab their attention.

This is where the publishers landed at that dinner. They lamented the fact that “click-bait” had given the art of headline writing a bad name. It takes genuine talent to build a headline that gets readers to the first sentence (which is the only goal of a headline). That same talent has a dark side. It’s called “click-bait.” Journalists know the difference between the good and the bad. Readers often don’t. They classify all effective headlines as “click-bait,” even the ones that are simply good headlines.

In the course of this conversation, I mentioned how the headline from last week’s Commentary developed in a way to bring the reader into the article. It was the third week in a row I was writing about an ostensibly Catholic topic, and I didn’t want people thinking I was freelancing for the Catholic Courier. As I described the process (giving kudos to Betsy for strengthening it), I inadvertently referred to the headline as a “title.” Books and chapters have “titles.” Newspaper columns and articles have “headlines.” The other publishers reminded me of this.

What about the headline to this column? You’re probably wondering, “What does any of this have to do with communism?” If this is so, you’re going to be disappointed. Take another look at the above title—er—headline. It, and this column, will talk about Marx and Lennon, but the subject has nothing to do with communism. It has to do with words and how you use them. The individuals referred to in the headline aren’t Karl Marx and Vladimir Lenin, they are Groucho Marx and John Lennon.

Groucho Marx/John Lennon Abkhazia stamp, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons

The headline reflects a clever ploy copywriters have traditionally used: the pun. You see fewer punny or poetic headlines. Why? Because the click-bait world demands “honest” and “action-oriented” headlines. This is why you see so many “How To” headlines. They promise to answer a question you have right now.

Using a pun takes away from that. It also sometimes attracts the wrong readers. For example, the above headline might attract people interested in economic theory, not those interested in how they might mimic popular culture figures. Of course, being a print article, readers familiar with this column might expect a twist in the story regardless of the headline. The twist here is it’s not Marx and Lenin, it’s Marx and Lennon.

But that’s not all the headline offers. It’s also provocative. This is where Groucho and John rear their familiar faces. Both made a living using provocative language. Between books and scripts (Groucho) and songs (John), they practiced a refined skill at headline (or title) writing. Both used puns. Both used humor. Both provoked their audience.

They had, however, different objectives. It’s not how they employed the tools of headline writing, it’s what action they intended their audience to take.

Groucho wanted you to smile. Not just once, he wanted you to smile many times. He employed a form of layered comedy, and puns made this easier. You can watch the same scene twice and see the words differently both times. What’s more, both views will leave you laughing, but at completely different things.

TV shows like The Simpsons following in the footsteps of Groucho Marx. Kids will laugh because they see one layer of humor. Adults laugh because they see a different layer. And they’re watching the exact same scene.

When you see Groucho talking either in his game show You Bet Your Life or being interviewed on a talk show, you see a fun-loving man who enjoyed making you laugh.

John Lennon, on the other hand, presented himself as an angry man who wanted you to get angry. This was particularly the case in his solo years, as his Beatles mates likely muted some of his anger.

Superficially, this might reflect a certain type of repellant personality. But Lennon remains a popular icon. Some of his post-Beatles songs express a raw emotion that’s meant to grate the listener. These include Mother, How Do You Sleep?, #9 Dream, and Gimme Some Truth. The titles of his songs might be driven by anger, but, oddly, they also possess hope. Song like Imagine, Instant Karma! (We All Shine On), Happy Xmas (War Is Over), Mind Games, and Give Peace a Chance all fall into this category.

Ironically, Lennon’s song God takes this full circle where he states a litany of “don’t believe” statements meant to irk just about everyone. He concludes “I don’t believe in Beatles. I just believe in me. Yoko and me. That’s reality. The Dream is over. What can I say? The dream is over. Yesterday. I lost the dream weaver, but now I’m reborn. I was the walrus, but now I’m John. And so, dear friends, you’ll just have to carry on. The dream is over.”

If that doesn’t provoke you, well, then you were never a fan of The Beatles. Still, it’s an effective provocation because it achieves what Lennon seeks.

So, who are you more like? Groucho Marx or John Lennon?

For me, I’m more “Starr”y-eyed. (As in Ringo Starr.) I just want to get along with everyone.

Ringo Starr, dearMoon, CC BY 3.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0>, via Wikimedia Commons

Did The Pope Just Endorse A U.S. Presidential Candidate?

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Francis visits a favela in Brazil during World Youth Day 2013. Source: Tânia Rêgo/ABr, CC BY 3.0 BR <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/br/deed.en>, via Wikimedia Commons

On the face of it, the answer is “no.” But if you dig a little deeper into what the leader of the Catholic Church is reported to have said, you might begin to wonder.

Several media outlets on Friday, September 13, 2024, reported Pope Francis said regarding the upcoming U.S. presidential election, “Not voting is ugly. It is not good. You must vote.” As to who you should vote for, Francis said, “You must choose the lesser evil. Who is the lesser evil? That lady, or that gentleman? I don’t know. Everyone, in conscience, (has to) think and do this.”

Sounds perfectly reasonable, right? Maybe he was taking a page out of Patrick Mahomes and Caitlin Clark, both of whom avoided endorsing either candidate and simply reminded Continue Reading “Did The Pope Just Endorse A U.S. Presidential Candidate?”

Remembering Father Latus

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Father Charles Latus presides over the first Wedding Mass celebrated at the new opened St. Catherine’s Church in the hamlet of Mendon, NY on September 28, 1991.

My father and brother erected the family estate with their own hands. After a long search my parents found a perfect parcel on which to build. While I toiled away deskbound in some distant cubicle, the other men in the family conveyed materials in a beat-up Ford pick-up to the site. Reminiscent of “Carosa and Son” (the masonry business started by my grandfather with my father riding shotgun), the two constructed a home of their dreams.

Oddly, it wasn’t their dream home. That would come decades later.

Coincidentally, they located both homes in the Town of Mendon. The first was the ideal family home. The second was the ideal home for retirement.

That first home was more than the “ideal” family home, it was the last home that housed the entire family – Mother, Father, two adult sons, a high school daughter and an elementary school daughter. We were all there. Until the company my father worked for decided to shut down the Rochester office and transfer him to Albany.

But that’s another story. This is a story about melding into a community.

We quickly adopted Mendon as our home. There are three things that make a community a Continue Reading “Remembering Father Latus”

Faith, Reason, And The Shroud Of Turin

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Image of Shroud of  Turin showing positive and negative displays by source: Dianelos Georgoudis, CC BY-SA 3.0 https:creativecommons.org licenses by-sa3.0, via Wikimedia Commons

As the “science guy” in school, I got a lot of questions. They weren’t science questions, unless it was for answers on the high school chemistry exam. (And they were asked during the actual taking of the exam!) No, my friends usually asked me questions about science fiction.

That irked me.

OK, so here’s something many people didn’t know about me back then. As much of a Trekker that I was (and still am – but only for Star Trek: TOS), I was no fan of science fiction. Sure, I liked 2001: A Space Odyssey (the movie, I hated the book). Yes, I read Isaac Asimov’s I Robot (during catechism class at St. Pius because I was bored, and it was on the bookshelf I sat next to).

But, in general, I found most science fiction too dystopian, too depressing, and, well, too Continue Reading “Faith, Reason, And The Shroud Of Turin”

The Day ‘The Democracy’ Died

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JFK Campaign Poster. Source: Unidentified Artist, CC0, via Wikimedia Commons

Two hundred years. It was a great run while it lasted.

I wrote eight years ago how the establishment Republicans’ alienation of Donald Trump signaled the end of that party, (see “The Night the Grand Old Party Died,” Mendon-Honeoye Falls-Lima Sentinel, April 14, 2016). A week ago, their counterpart decided to return the favor.

To fully appreciate the significance of this, understand I was raised a Kennedy Democrat, pretty much like every other Catholic who grew up in the 1960s. Every home in my family and every home of my family’s friends had two pictures hanging somewhere among their walls. One was of the Pope. The other was of John F. Kennedy.

How effusive was the Kennedy aura in our family? My brother’s name was “Kenneth.” We called him “Kenny.” My great-great aunt Zia Pepe (that would be my mother’s great aunt and my grandmother’s aunt) watched us when my mother had to substitute teach. She called my brother “Ken-eh-dee.” It was a badge of honor for him. He collected all things Kennedy, at least for a short time.

Zia Pepe was babysitting us when JFK was assassinated. The three of us watched it on TV. She cried. We didn’t know why Zia Pepe was crying. As we were watching, our mother Continue Reading “The Day ‘The Democracy’ Died”

The Joy Of ‘Mission Accomplished’ (With A Lafayette Bonus At The End)

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Includes never before published chapters. What are they? Click here to buy your copy now.

The wild whirlwind wound down last week to a satisfying conclusion. The following column reveals the inside story of what really happened over the last eight months.

Okay, truth be told, it all started ten months ago. I was in the middle of producing a series of “The Greater Western New York Minute” and decided I needed to beef up my studio hardware and upgrade my software. That took a little longer than expected, making it difficult to continue production of those sixty second vignettes.

Well, there’s no such thing as a void in my life. There are merely a never-ending series of windows of opportunity forever opening and closing. It seems like when one window closes, I find another window opening. It happens all the time.

Does that make me special?

No.

Actually, this same situation exists for you, too. You have to look for it, but it’s there. Always.

Do you want to know the secret to discovering these open windows of opportunity? It’s Continue Reading “The Joy Of ‘Mission Accomplished’ (With A Lafayette Bonus At The End)”

On Fried Dough and Kettle Corn

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Loud and proud in familiar environs, hawking books in the Historical Building at the Erie County Fair on Saturday, August 10, 2024. Source: Author

It’s a ritual that takes place every August. For me, it started when I was too young to remember. It later intensified when I just turned old enough to learn. Then, after a long period of dormancy, it came back not just with gusto, but with the pleasant perfume of honeyed nostalgia.

We create routines that become habits that end up as traditions. They seem quite random at first, a series of oddly connected dots with no obvious meaning. Later, their regularity brings comfort. Finally, they emerge as rites of passage.

Think about your own life. If you’re like most of us, you can map this template onto certain Continue Reading “On Fried Dough and Kettle Corn”

A Pugilist’s Elegy – In Memory of Mr. Polito

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Photo by vierdrie on Freeimages.com

It seemed like fate, but it was duty.

My first question was, “Why didn’t you fail me?”

His first question was, “Would you like some iced tea?”

I had been at war with the English Department since 8th grade. I don’t remember why. I think my 8th grade English teacher, Mrs. Coffey, enjoyed sparring with me, and I returned the compliment with zeal. It was always cordial. Being a science guy, I consistently argued against the humanities. Only once did I naively step over the line. The teacher wisely told me that there were such things as lines. I demurred and vowed never again to go over that unseen demarcation.

But that didn’t mean I stopped pushing the envelope.

In 10th grade I took a stand against Continue Reading “A Pugilist’s Elegy – In Memory of Mr. Polito”

Film Vs. TV: A M*A*S*H Revelation

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M*A*S*H 1970 Film Poster Distributed by 20th Century Fox. Source: Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons

A while back, a friend asked to borrow our copy of the movie M*A*S*H. He was so excited. He watched the TV series diligently and remains a fan of it to this day. He was so excited to see the movie.

Now, normally I don’t lend things from my library. I’ve learned that’s the quickest way to create a permanent hole in my shelf. But I trusted this guy, so I lent him the movie.

He returned the movie with no expression on his face. I asked him what he thought. He answered, “It was… different.”

Yes. Yes, it was.

The movie M*A*S*H feels more like Animal House. The TV series “M*A*S*H” may have started out like the movie, but it ended with a sense of “Little House On The Prairie.” Between the two, we saw our culture shift.

But let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves.

We’ll start with the TV series. The television viewing world buzzed with anticipation when Continue Reading “Film Vs. TV: A M*A*S*H Revelation”

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