More Silly Thoughts

[This Commentary originally appeared in the August 16, 1990 issue of The Mendon-Honeoye Falls-Lima Sentinel.]

In a continuing effort to entertain, which gets more and more difficult in August (namely because Congress goes on vacation), we proudly present more in a series of silly thoughts. As before, we remind the gentle reader the following contains no natural boundariess and represents free and unassociated thinking.

The Stereo. Why does the stereo always stop playing the music you put on just when you’re finally relaxed and ready to sit down and enjoy it? This is related to…

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Television Commercials. Why does the show break to commercial just when you stop what you’re doing and go sit down on the couch in front of the television? Undoubtedly, these phenomena are related in some way to Murphy’s Law. Whoever discovers this relationship is sure to win a Nobel Prize.

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Southern Accents. Where do they come from? As a freshman in college, I met a girl from Tennessee. She had the most wonderful kind of southern accent. One day, she came up to me and asked me if I could be her project for her linguistics class. I said “Maybe,” and asked her to tell me why she wanted me instead of someone else. She said, “You’all have the most interestin’ accent!” I can’t figure it out. There didn’t appear to be a whole lot of difference between the people who settled in the northern colonies vs. the people who settled the southern colonies. What caused the accents to develop?

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Singing the Star Spangled Banner. Will anyone ever be brave enough to sing our national anthem in public? After Rosanne Barr mutilated the reverent tune, I would have to doubt it. I went to a Red Wings game last week and nobody sang the national anthem.

On the same theme, I can’t say I agree with what the television comedian did in San Diego a couple of weeks ago. It’s one thing to try and fail. It’s another thing to be obnoxious about your own short comings. In my book, what she did was a desecration of our national pride. Next thing you know, they’re going to make flag burning an Olympic event.

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It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s Souter-man! George Bush’s way of saying, “In your face!” He must still be bummin’ about all those people calling him a wimp. Regardless of one’s own leanings, no one can deny the political astuteness of choosing David Souter for Supreme Court. The only problem I really have with the whole episode is that it may discourage people from taking controversial stands. If you don’t stand up for your rights, you’ll only lose them.

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The latest in the World of Baseball. I hope Buffalo gets a team. (If you’ve been to Pilot Field, you’d hope so, too.) Those Red Wings are simply amazing. The Orioles aren’t doing too bad, either (at least at the time of this writing). And environmentalists should rejoice, just think of all the wasted newsprint Fay Vincent has saved us by expelling George Steinbrenner.

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Summer Movies. No comment. Haven’t seen any.

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Summer Reruns. See above.

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Summer Parties. Be there or be square, dude. Main reason I haven’t seen the two items above.

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Summer School. Best to avoid this animal, especially if you have a particular fondness for summer parties. If however, events force you to partake of this delicacy, we recommend rescheduling the weed-out courses in favor of a summer of good old-fashioned guts. If you don’t remember what a gut is, you’ve been away too long.

Next Week #72: EDITORIAL (originally published on August 9, 1990)
Next Week #74: Double Sessions (originally published on August 23, 1990)

[What is this and why is here? See Interested in Discovering My Time Machine? for more details.]